He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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