lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
