in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm always down for nudity.
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