Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
