I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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