i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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