yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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