i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
