It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
