did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize