Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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