I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
