All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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