If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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