I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
