Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
