oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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