Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
