We won't sleep together?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Someone signed my nipple.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
