yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
