That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just blew my weed a kiss
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
