What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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