you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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