so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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