we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
