Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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