I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
