i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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