your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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