wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
