If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
