If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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