i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I didn't notice because vodka
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
