i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
