I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
