The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
