i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
