i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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