I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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