Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
