I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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