I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
