i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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