i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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