hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
