i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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