it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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