Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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