I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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