anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
