My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
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bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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