Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
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Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.