Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise

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  (208): the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise http://tfl.nu/n0e5
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!

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  (708): i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES! http://tfl.nu/1ytt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.

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  (806): my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar. http://tfl.nu/xuyq
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  (516): View more from New York

  he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.

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  (516): he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor. http://tfl.nu/s1qd
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does

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  (617): I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does http://tfl.nu/o8tg
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8

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  (719): Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8 http://tfl.nu/2x9k
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers

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  (252): I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers http://tfl.nu/269f
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"

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  (201): I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad" http://tfl.nu/8w1c
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.

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  (703): I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia. http://tfl.nu/9rne
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.

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  (979): Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/p1v5
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now

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  (403): Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now http://tfl.nu/l7gb
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs

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  (567): She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs http://tfl.nu/brto
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.

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  (937): Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you. http://tfl.nu/6dat
  Replies (3) Good night (1783) Bad night (209)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  You were drinking Everclear weren't you?

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  (828): While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee (1-828): You were drinking Everclear weren't you? http://tfl.nu/a4qg
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  ok thanks goodnight

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person

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  (905): ok thanks goodnight (905): Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person http://tfl.nu/fu6q
  Replies (3) Good night (661) Bad night (172)

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