her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?