Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics