You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
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I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.