That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.