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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  so I ended up banging her last night

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't even remember

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  I see you've learned your lesson.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (631): View more from New York

  She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?

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• (516): View more from New York

  so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  How bad is the voicemail?

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.

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• (976): View more from

  Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand

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• (909): View more from California

  I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.

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