It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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