I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for