i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
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Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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