i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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