Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
