I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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