we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
