dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
