this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
