Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
