Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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