I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
