awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Let's get the cat blown out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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