Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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