I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
