the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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