I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
