I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
