You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
