Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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