he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
