I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
