Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize