I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
