Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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