You work out of a Hotel?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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